You think I’m going to start here with The ABC Method, right?
Well… yes, The ABC Method is the way to core stability, and it’s the slab of the house of fitness that we build. But do you know what comes before that? The ground upon which we walk. What’s the ground, you say?
Yes, I am going to say it. You have to start with Self Love. It’s the only true way forward.
In my lifetime of helping people, and of helping myself, I have never seen true health and healing come from any other place than Love and Acceptance. I have watched countless people continue to get deeper into the hole of self loathing, and that is the most dreadful place to be.
In the place of self loathing, you’re trying to dig your way out, but just making a bigger hole. It starts to feel like an endless chasm. You can spiral into all kinds of negative vibrations, all coming from this place.
But it’s NOT endless.
Darkness does not end darkness. Only light can do that. Hate cannot end hate. Only Love can do that (Martin Luther King, Jr.)
The miraculous bounce out of the hole of self loathing is Self Love, and it’s not pie in the sky. It’s not easy or cheesy. It’s dirty, it’s hard, and it’s a jagged course.
I remember when I discovered this. I had spent most of my life absolutely hating myself. I hated everything about myself and insisted that I would never be enough. I would never measure up. No one else would ever possibly like or love me either, because I was unlovable. My ego played these messages in my brain loudly and nonstop for about 25 years.
The practice of Self Love became just like any other practice. You practice and you practice and you practice. You work at it and work at it and get angry about it and scream about it. It’s unlearning everything you thought you knew about yourself and your self worth.
No steps to this are perfect. No progress will be constant. No path is straight. You have to walk the jagged path, but you can with these techniques:
- Recognize the voice of ego. Ego will say mean and hateful things to you inside your mind, or will try to puff you up to pretend to be bigger and badder than everyone else. Neither is true. You are invaluable and so is everyone else. Learn to recognize it when it comes up.
- Reroute that thought. When that voice of worthlessness or smallness or too-bigness comes up, choose a new thought. Examples can be “I can do this.” ” I am worth this.” “We are together in this.” “I am exactly right just as I am today.” “I am worthy of love and belonging.”
- Choose a mindfulness practice. My current practice is visioning. I turn on binaural beats into my ear buds (free on youtube, like this one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nkr1bUn0baE) . I turn on a timer on my phone for 5 minutes. I close my eyes and dream of all the wonderful work I am destined to do in this world. When 5 minutes is up, I move on with my day. I also keep a couple of photos on my desk: one divine feminine figure (I choose the Divine Feminine Oracle by Meggan Watterson), one affirmation (I choose the “I Am” series by Elise Joan), a picture of my family, and my Core Values, which is an infographic I made on Canva, highlighting my personal Core Values.
You will have moments of profound joy, and you will have moments of profound defeat. All of it is normal. Just keep going. Once you get to that place where you recognize your self worth and self love, then everything and anything is possible, including finding your personal healing in your body and otherwise.