Photo by Juan Crusoe on Unsplash
I remember not remembering myself.
I think it started earlier than pregnancy, though pregnancy made it ten times worse. I had trouble…. feeling. From the inside.
And, y’all. I’m a fitness professional.
I remember going through the motions, doing the things, and not feeling connected to the area I was working on or with… and I didn’t know how. Nor did I have the language for it.
I think the first day I remember feeling my deep core tissue, I was working with my Pilates instructor, Tandy Gutierrez, who is a badass mind-body instructor (shout out!), and I was like “OH!” It hit me like lightning. I got it. I got it!
But it took more than that day or that hour with Tandy. I had been working with her for a while. I had also been working on my mindful techniques for a while. I didn’t fully understand why I needed to work on my mindfulness, meditation practices, and the like, but I knew I needed something. That something was missing.
I actually felt like I was missing.
Missing in my own life, my own experience. Like I wasn’t ever really present to absorb my own life and surroundings.
When I broke free and found my body again, THEN I could start to change and see results that I wanted to see. In all things.
When I start working with a client, I usually find the same initial effect.
There is a disconnect somewhere between mind and body, and the person can sometimes have a lot of trouble with feeling. Getting this muscle to activate or feeling a deep tissue.
I think a lot of us feel this way for years and don’t realize it. And I think it’s a lot more of an issue than just getting in shape.
I find a lot of people don’t recognize their own image in one way or another. Perhaps it has changed a lot lately, perhaps the body has gone through a trauma, or perhaps something has affected the mind and the mind is isolating itself.
Whatever the issue, I see it more often than not.
I know it’s frustrating when I say “find the tissue a layer deeper and hold there…” When you can find the place, can’t find the tissue, and definitely can’t hold anything anywhere.
But just like with Tandy and I, it’s in there. It’s hiding deep within. It will take practice, diligence, and patience to find it again.
And I recommend not only going into your breath and body during exercise, but taking time to meditate, as well.
“I can’t meditate, my mind is too busy.”
No, you can’t meditate wrong. Your meditation is what it is today. If you have trouble with brain fog or absence, then that is where it is today. And tomorrow is a new day.
If you’re new, definitely try guided meditations. Headspace and Calm are popular apps for meditation. Do anything by Deepak Chopra, or use what I use, the Hay House Meditations App (for iphone).
Then, we can start to make new connections. You’ll be surprised at the changes you can make with more connections and more attunement.
If this work brings up trauma for you, please contact a therapist immediately.